All guest bloggers’ opinions, thoughts and feelings are their own.
“When a high-profile U.K. television dating programme approached me out of the blue in March 2018, my initial thought was that it could potentially boost my working profile rather than help me find love. However, I went along with the process and was filmed for six weeks in various locations in my life in North East Wales during June/July 2018.
It didn’t work out in the end and the show didn’t go to air as the show’s hierarchy thought that hadn’t shown myself to be “autistic enough”. Also, there was a significant age gap with the girl selected was much younger than myself.
Nonetheless, after this “experience”, and much cajoling from one of my close mates, I believed that I had the impetus to join online dating. It seemed to be the social norm these days for couples to meet in this way rather than what would have been my preferred old-fashioned.
I initially joined Plenty of Fish and within a week I had secured my first ever date. That date was not how I would have pictured it, but it was a useful experience.
However, I found Plenty of Fish to be a horrible website with “spambots”, “catfish” and inappropriate accounts galore creating a rather unsatisfactory experience, so I was glad to close my account.
I immediately joined Match.com and had success straight away. Within a week, I had been on two more dates. One girl I was very attracted to, but my inexperience in dating let me down as I came across as a bit needy and a second date didn’t happen. On the other date, we got on really well, but in a platonic way.
A few weeks later, I was in a brief relationship with a girl I met on Match. It was the first time in my life that my attraction to a girl had been reciprocated. Unfortunately, we parted ways after two dates and six weeks, although very amicably.
Within a couple of weeks, I had been on two further dates on Match without success.
I then tried Bumble and Tinder.
Unfortunately, I was “stood up” by first my Bumble match. I had taken two trains to meet the girl. I messaged her four times keeping her up to date with my movements as to when I was arriving, where I was when I arrived and asking where she was. All the messages were read by the girl without even bothering to reply with any reason or excuse for her non-appearance. It was a disheartening experience.
Another bad experience on a date with a girl in Chester, who was autistic herself, saw me have every facet of mine and my family’s existence criticised and picked apart. Or, anyway, it felt like that at the time.
Anyway, negativity aside, I have learned a lot from the experiences. With online dating, it is sometimes much more difficult to judge etiquettes than in real life. This is especially apparent when someone could be messaging you back every couple of minutes before then becoming a “ghost” and disappearing without explanation. You feel that you have offended them. Logically though, it is down to them in my opinion as I almost certainly haven’t said something so deeply offensive for such a quick volte face.
I also feel that you get more quickly judged online dating than you would in a manner unthinkable when meeting someone in “the real world”, when usually you are given the chance to give a fairer representation of yourself. Although, one plus is the sheer amount of choice of potential partners that you get online that is unlikely in “the real world” that has undoubtedly increased my prospects no end, but it can be a rather false hope.
My biggest advice is don’t give up, don’t be too desperate (which I can be very guilty of), be honest but some information is best advised to be divulged much later on (which I have also been very guilty of) and try to come out of your comfort zone. It isn’t easy, but it is worthwhile.
I then went on two dates with a girl, who I had my first kisses with. This ended in rather an odd manner as she parted ways with me before getting her best mate from work to contact me with a long message asking in a roundabout way of getting back with her. The girl I dated then messaged by What’s App and Text, before I blocked her on both, then emailed me asking to meet up so that she could “marry me”. I sometimes wake up in a cold sweat about this.
At the turn of 2020, I dated a girl for three months, who I met up with at least once a week in this time. I really liked this girl.
Just before the Lockdown, we parted ways before becoming big mates for a couple o months afterwards contacting one another many times a day.
However, this petered out. I think that if we hadn’t met online dating in a more traditional environment that we would have been long term big mates without the pressure attached of a relationship.
Online dating doesn’t leave you with many different avenues to go down with interpersonal relationships that you would have in a working environment, a group of mutual mates or in an organisation where something be it friendship or romance develop naturally.
Since the Lockdown, I have tried Disability dating sites, including one with catering specifically for those with autism. I have found that as I don’t live London that it will be very unlikely to meet someone on here. I also find that I am, or feel that I am, in a minority when it comes to being catered for regarding being autistic and wanting to find someone on a disability website as I am not from London whilst my high intelligence quotient means that I don’t have Learning Difficulties.
Anyway, I don’t expect to find anyone during the course of the Pandemic as with Social Distancing and the like, it is the probably the worst time in at least a century to start a relationship. I still hope it will happen but it won’t be until the Pandemic is manageable and life is more routine.