“I am Crow.” This came to me this morning during my hour-long drumming journey. I saw myself transform into the crow, then become human, then become various animals as I toured different landscapes on turtle island.

My intention for my journey was to stand in my power as I move into my “Crow” season. This term has continuously come to me in my daily drumming journeys since recognizing my body was transitioning into what I also call womenopause, Women of Pause (instead of Men-o-pause).

When I came out of my drumming journey, I organically turned to the page about Crow from Medicine Cards(Sams, J, Carson, D., 1999). This is a wisdom-filled book about Animal Medicine that my spirit daughter Meg introduced to me. I was captivated by what I read…

“The first paragraph described a medicine story where the Crow was fascinated by her own shadow. She looked at it, pecked at it, scratched it, until her shadow awoke. Upon awakening and becoming alive, the Crow’s shadow ate her. Crow is Dead Crow now” (p. 133). This is where the term “eat Crow” comes from…The Crow is the “keeper of sacred law” (p. 133).

I am currently on Maui with my beloved, Chris. In the last 72 hours, hell has literally descended on this beautiful island. We lost power early Tuesday morning, then by Tuesday afternoon, we saw a dark cloud fill the sky and by 5 p.m. we lost cell service. We drove a little ways towards Lahaina early Wednesday morning (4 a.m.) but police had blocked the road. We still had no information about what was going on or why we couldn’t get to the other side of the island. Little did we know that the historic Lahaina town, approximately 7 minutes from our condo, was burning to the ground.

Words cannot describe how unsettling it is to not know what is going on around you yet being able to feel an urgent sense of dread in the air. Even worse is not being able to contact anyone because the power is out, and there is no internet or cell service.

The devastation we have witnessed since Tuesday is unimaginable. Many of you reading this have probably seen pictures on the news and internet. But to be on Maui and actually see and feel it? It is like a war zone-as though nuclear bomb went off. It is so unfathomable and yet, it is SO real. Many of our Maui friends and their families lost their homes and many still can’t find family members.

This month, consider this…

You have been hustling as a means of attaining self worth…

But the truth is, your self worth is NOT outside of you…

It’s not based on how many people like you, follow you, reassure you, comfort you, show up for you when you call (or call out to them), or stroke your ego … It’s the same thing with your value-it is not outside of you. Everything you need is right inside- within you.

• Stop seeking answers about yourself or your life via other people. You have all the answers.

• Take a risk, get quiet, and go inward and listen! Your higher self is trying to communicate with you!

• Stop resisting the truth- it only slows your divine growth spurts (and expansion) down.

• Stop avoiding doing your own work; it’s required on an on-going basis if you want to elevate (ascend) in this life.

“What If It Is True?”

I recently had a deeply painful encounter that felt like a poison arrow stabbing me at my core. Someone I know said some incredibly hurtful things to me, claiming I said and did things; I recalled the situation completely different. As they called me names and spewed venom at me, I felt my heart close off and my inner love-light dim with sadness. By the time I went to bed that night, the sadness in my heart turned to a ball of fury. I felt the parts of me that are fiery dragons step forward. They kept me up at night, ready to fight, defend, destroy.

I awoke at 4:30 a.m. the next morning and got up to meditate in our living room by the fire. I turned on my spotify station, "Native American Flute Music for Meditation", closed my eyes, and turned inward.

I immediately heard a soft feminine voice whisper inside of me, "What if it is true?"

I sat with that question for a moment, then heard more....

"What if what this person said about you IS true?" This question was followed by a description of my shadow side; the parts of me that I have historically wanted to keep exiled deep within. Before I could answer, she generalized this question to include other areas of my life--"what if it is true that I have had questionable character at times, judged myself and others, gone against my own values and beliefs, bean hurtful and mean, not had good boundaries, lied, been selfish, and made unhealthy decisions?"

"What if all of this is true?

The word “microaggression” was coined by Derald Wing Sue, a Columbia University professor. He describes microaggressions as intentional or unintentional behaviors, insults, and indignities which demean, shame, marginalize, or outright intimidate individual groups of people (Planet, M., 2021).

But microaggressions also happen in intimate relationships. For example, calling your partner names that demean their race, ethnicity, culture, neurodiversity, age, sexuality, or gender happen during arguments. All forms of attacking your loved one’s intersectional identities are contemptuous and damaging. This type of behavior often erodes self-esteem, well-being, as well as the relationship as a whole.

Many marginalized groups, Autistic adults included, experience abuse in their relationships. Research indicates that Autistic adults experience more teasing/emotional bullying in adulthood and greater sexual contact victimization. Anecdotal stories from Autistic adults revealed that many have experienced gaslighting as well as being manipulated based on our trustworthiness in their intimate relationships.