I have had zero inspiration to write for the past year which is the opposite of what my friends who are authors have said, "If it weren't for the Pandemic I wouldn't have written my book." Oh how I wish I wrote my Autism and Intimacy workbook last year! But I didn't. What is interesting is that I am actually a great writer (according to those around me), when my avoider parts give me some space so that I can put pen to paper.
Something interesting happened yesterday that re-awakened my desire to write again. Chris and I had the privilege of being interviewed by Caitlin Hansen and Brooke Mangum on their Living Unscripted podcast (click on the link to listen!). It indeed was an unscripted and raw conversation about our relationship, my autism diagnosis and why I am so passionate about helping autistic individuals and couples of various neurotypes, our personal stories, the challenges and gifts of working and living together, and so much more (wow-we crammed a lot in an hour!). Near the end of the interview I was asked about some tips for people to enjoy more "play" time as adults, as well as what couples can do to improve their relationship.
It was that conversation that inspired me to write this blog today. In adulthood we forget that our bodies, brains, and nervous systems need play time. Instead, we work too much which robs us of feeling any sort of real pleasure. As a result, everyone, and I mean everyone, either seeks pleasure outside of themselves or they avoid it altogether. Here is a list of the ways most people seek out pleasure: Online or in person shopping/buying, staring for hours (cumulatively throughout the day) at social media into the world of other people's lives, playing video games, watching porn, masturbating in secret, gambling, using substances or people to feel better. I am sure I left out other ways in which we play that aren't the healthiest.
Sadly, we think of the word pleasure on a macro level-it's got to be some GRAND thing including sex and orgasm, that gives us a big hit of dopamine and keeps us seeking out more. But it doesn't have to be something big, or secretive, or damaging. If you took 5-10 mins 5 times a day to enjoy several "micro pleasures" via other forms of play time, you would notice a shift in how you function, you would have more mental space to be creative, and you would have more energy to pay attention to your partner, children, friends and loved ones off-line.
Some examples of enjoying "micro-pleasures" include: smelling a warm cup of coffee, or a candle/incense, listening to your favorite podcast or music as you get ready for the day (or drive to work, or in your office), going on a short walk and breathing in the fresh autumn air, closing your eyes and focusing on your breath, getting away from your screens and stretching, reading an inspirational quote, thanking someone you care about or work with or love for doing or saying something helpful, petting your fur-baby, holding your child, eating something savory.
For me, my ritual of walking my dog in the morning by the lake brings me great pleasure. Other micro-pleasures for me include: Sipping on chai tea in the morning, taking a few minutes to go inward and listen, crocheting during my short breaks between calls, and my latest- writing this blog for y'all today- all bring me micro-moments of pleasure! These little pleasure-filled moments add up to me feeling continually replenished and not so burned out and grumpy at the end of the day.
I gently invite you-or I challenge you if you need a stronger nudge- to give yourself moments of grace and space each day to create rituals around enjoying micro-pleasures. You deserve it and are worth it.
Stay tuned for my next blog on Celebrating Your Micro-Wins in your Relationship.
Namasté,
Candice