Imagine if you will you find out that your partner of however long has been either cheating on you with real life people or cheating on you with pornography, sending sexual pictures, and getting “atta boys” or “atta girls” via flirting on social media. You feel horrified, shocked, devastated, disbelief, anger, sadness, fury, and all the rest of the feelings on the feelings wheel.
After the first or second or third confrontation, back and forth arguments, and challenging encounters trying to wrap your head around this tragedy, you courageously make the phone call to us for therapy. You partner, somewhat reluctantly (uncertain of whether or not therapy will help) decides to come. And thus the beautiful and messy intimacy recovery process begins.
What helps people heal from damaged intimacy neuropathways? Is it talking it out? Is it education about the “why” that led the individual to cope in the maladaptive ways? Is it trauma informed therapy? How about holistic approaches (mindfulness, neurofeedback, HeartMath®, acupuncture, yoga therapy)? What about couples therapy, including intensives if necessary?
We believe that healing entails all of the above.
However, we know first and foremost that what makes the biggest difference in healing trauma as well as healing intimacy fractures is #1) helping clients and couples learn about their autonomic nervous system since co-regulation and self regulation is often damaged and/or non-existent; #2) teaching individuals and couples about parts of themselves that are well intended in out-dated jobs (go to IFS Institute for more info), and learning how to unburden those parts, #3) teaching various ways for regulating individuals and couples nervous systems, including one’s brain and heart connection, in order to be able to process through the hard topics that arise in therapy re: one’s childhood, teen-hood, adulthood, messages around sex, relationships, intimacy, work, communication, honesty, integrity, self worth, etc). You would be amazed at how mastering these 3 things helps our clients get to the next level of working through healing intimacy, sex, communication issues. We also incorporate Dr. Patrick Carnes and Stefanie Carnes Task Based models for healing problematic sexual behavior and sexual betrayal trauma as well as the masterful work of other experts in the field of sexual recovery (Rob Weiss, Debra Kaplan, Alex Katehakis, Ken Adams, etc). In couples therapy, we incorporate Gottman’s brilliant tools with IFS, IFIO concepts (Intimacy from the Inside Out created by Toni-Herbine-Blank), and EMDR resourcing to support clients in continuing to navigate through their recovery to be masters of their relationships. When it comes to working on healthy ( relative term) sex and sexuality, we incorporate Esther Perel, Emily Nagoski, and other sex experts brilliant sex-positive models into our work with our clients.
Recovery can be and often is messy but we know that individuals and couples who are committed to doing the work together can and often do heal. It takes time, energy, effort on both parts as well as patience and compassion, but recovery from intimacy fractures is possible.
For more information on how to enroll in our intimacy recovery program, contact 801-272-3500.
You are worth it,
Candice